SO HAPPY!!

WHOOOOOO!! So I had major chocolate cravings today. twice! after my post workout meal i didnt feel “full”, and i keep wanting to binge so badly.. even though my meal was already overloaded on carbs :/ but i told myself to not restrict, cause i know that the more i restrict.. the higher chances of me bingeing all over again.. so i took one Hershey’s kisses from my fridge, sat down and savoured every single taste of it.. & it worked! actually no, the urge to binge was still there, but i gulped down 2 glasses of water & felt so damn bloated after that, haha. so that’s when i actually stopped, right there. i was really glad, more than overjoyed at that point. 

but obviously afterwards I kept worrying about later on at night.. i was quite sure i would binge and cave in to my old mistakes. tried to keep myself occupied by playing mindless games, and when i was finally hungry, i ate my meal. the urge came back on again. it was so bad, i actually wanted to give up and just screw up today. but okay. again i told myself i should never restrict.. so i took another 3 Hershey’s, went into my room and ate them very slowly. but all the time while i was eating the chocolates, i couldnt keep my mind off what will happen after i stop eating them- will i binge? should i give up now and just binge? & after those 3 pieces were gone, the urge to binge got even more uncontrollable. i only took a min or so to calm myself down, before deciding on going for just 2 more. just 2 more, i told myself. but i ate those 2 chocolates so fast. too fast that it somehow tasted even better than the first 3. & i dont know how/why, but i got sick of eating chocs after those last 2 kisses. again, i went to gulp down cups of water, and i was contented.

contented with myself, proud of myself. & this time i actually feel da love i’m giving to myself!! YAY <333