My Story
Hey guys (: So here’s a summary of what’s happened to me the past few years.
In 2008, I started dieting and exercising excessively after I got into a relationship with this guy who has fucking high metabolism. I felt really pressured to make myself thin, just so that I can look better with him. After a few weeks of us getting together, this bitch came to me and said that i was too fat to be with him, so i guess that was what triggered me to lose weight FAST. This is how I looked like in 2008, along w my bf.
March 2008
I felt really disgusted with myself every single sec I spent with him. Anyway, initially I tried to lose weight by eating only once a day. And the food I ate was either high carb, high fat, or high sugar (at that time I didn’t know anything about nutrition) After I started reading books on dieting, I tried the 5-meals-a-day diet, along with the low-carb diet. So every night, I would have to plan what I was gonna eat the next day, what exercise I should do etc. IT WAS FREAKING TEDIOUS, now that I think of it..
I lost quite alot of weight, but I wasn’t anorexic. I restricted my daily intake of food, alternate days of cardio and strength training, and obviously I was too obsessed with the whole dieting thing that I didn’t even realised I shut myself out from the rest of the world.
This went on for more than a year, and my period didn’t came during that whole time. This is how I looked like in Dec 2009.
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE F*** I HAD SO MUCH “DETERMINATION” IN ME TO DIET THAT LONG. and to even look at these pictures of me now, it takes alot of courage because I didn’t even know that my body had only skin & bones at that time. It hurts me now to look at myself in the past, and not knowing that I was actually destroying my body. It’s like I was living in another’s person body and I couldn’t even dare think it was actually me.
Fastforward to mid 2010, where I actually got sick of the whole thing and didn’t want to risk my body getting even more sick. I was told by my doctor to gain weight if I wanted to make my period come back. So I started eating more food, but I still exercised ALOT. After awhile, I decided that my health’s more impt than my weight etc, and so I started eating high carb foods, “cheat food”, high sugar and “off-limits food” that were forbidden in my diet before I started eating like this.
So anyway, I ended up developing binge eating disorder around August 2010 and have been stuck ever since. Even until now, the demon inside of my head still lives and I’m trying so hard to just stop dieting and be HEALTHY.
Dec 2010
Oh, and I was told by a psychologist that I suffered from depression. Which kinda triggered the binge eating. Oh well.. It’s been a freaking long journey I tell you, and it’s SOOOO not worth it. I’m still towards recovery from binge eating, and the max number of days I went w/o bingeing was 6 days :( But I believe in myself.. :)
Just keep trying, keep believing in yourself, and NEVER EVER give up. Everything’s gonna be SO WORTH IT. Nobody said it was gonna be easy, but I say it would be FUCKING WORTH IT! Really, just be happy everyday, and you’ll see a whole lot more meaning and beauty to life than just the fucked up, ever-judging society.
The moral of my story is to tell anyone out there who wants to lose weight, that the only good thing you can do to your health, your body, yourself, and even everyone and anyone close to you is to just treat your body right and not deprive yourself of anything. Gosh I can’t say this enough: DONT DEPRIVE YOURSELF OF ANYTHING. DONT EVER DIET. dont go on those crazy low-carb, low-fat, 5-meals-a-day thinggy. it’s just not right for us.
All you have to do is to listen to your body, and give it what it wants without any restriction. of course, this doesnt mean you can just eat junk food everyday (because im sure your body isnt worthy of all those trash) or that when u crave smth, u can just gobble it all up. Have some self-control, listen to you heart, stop following all those negative voices inside your head.
Do everything in moderation, live life to the fullest, be happy everyday, do things you love, exercise. Eat whole food. Drink up. Laugh at the littlest of things. And at the end of the day, be thankful for what has happened to you, because that makes up who you are.
Don’t ever let anyone bring you down. You’re more worthy than their mean words.
LOVE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE ♥
